Reshaped: Words | Week 5
Reshaped • A Life Formed By Jesus • Week 5
Matthew 15:10–20 • James 3:9–10 • Ephesians 4:29–32Our Words: Speech
Our words carry incredible power. They can wound, discourage, strengthen, encourage, and speak life. Jesus reminds us that our words also reveal something deeper: what comes out of our mouths flows from what is being formed within our hearts.
Key Concept
Jesus reshapes our words by transforming the hearts from which they flow.
Reflection Questions
- What have my words been revealing about my heart lately?
- Who can I intentionally encourage this week?
Scripture
Matthew 15:10–20
Matthew 12:33–35
James 3:9–10
Ephesians 4:29–32
Every day we speak thousands of words. We have conversations, send messages, offer opinions, make jokes, complain, criticize, encourage, comfort, and pray. Much of it can feel ordinary, but our words have an extraordinary ability to shape the people around us.
Sometimes we learn that lesson in humorous ways.
Years ago, while working as a middle school teacher aide, I decided I needed to improve my business-casual wardrobe. I went to the Banana Republic outlet, bought more shades of khaki than I knew existed, and showed up feeling pretty good about myself.
One morning I opened the car door for a middle school student named Marie.
She stepped out, looked me up and down, and asked:
Are you going on safari after this?
Then she walked away.
She probably forgot the conversation five minutes later.
More than twenty years later, I still remember it.
And I never wore that combination of clothes again.
Our words have power.
Some words become funny stories.
Others stay with us for much more painful reasons.
Most of us can remember something we said in frustration that we immediately wished we could take back.
We have replayed conversations after leaving the room and wondered:
Did I really say that?
Did it sound the way I think it sounded?
Did I hurt that person?
And most of us also know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of words that wound.
A cruel comment.
A rumor.
A lie.
A harsh response.
Something spoken years ago that still shapes how we see ourselves today.
Words have the power to wound, but that same power means they can also encourage, strengthen, heal, and speak life.
Jesus takes the conversation beneath our words.
In Matthew 15, Jesus is confronted by religious leaders because His disciples are not following their traditions around ceremonial handwashing.
This is not primarily a hygiene debate.
The practice had its roots in ceremonial washing connected to the priests, but over time religious traditions had expanded around it.
Once again, Jesus finds Himself confronting people who are focused heavily on what is happening externally.
How does everything look?
Are all the visible rules being followed?
Does the outside of the cup appear clean?
Jesus redirects their attention.
What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth.
Matthew 15:11Jesus is concerned with the heart.
Peter asks Jesus to explain.
Jesus answers:
The things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart.
Matthew 15:18Jesus is not saying our words do not matter.
He is saying they matter so much that we need to understand where they come from.
Our mouth is not operating independently from the rest of us.
Our words are an overflow.
An indicator.
A warning light.
They can reveal something about what is happening beneath the surface.
Instead of only asking, "Why did I say that?" Jesus invites us to ask, "What is happening in my heart that this is what came out?"
The fruit tells us something about the tree.
Jesus uses another picture in Matthew 12.
A tree is recognized by its fruit.
Matthew 12:33Healthy trees produce healthy fruit.
An unhealthy tree eventually reveals its condition through what it produces.
Then Jesus brings the image directly back to our words:
The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Matthew 12:34Jesus describes the heart as a place where things are being stored up.
Cultivated.
Formed.
Accumulated over time.
And eventually, what has been stored within us begins appearing in the fruit of our lives.
Our words reveal what is being cultivated in our hearts.
Criticism may reveal dissatisfaction.
There have been seasons in my life when I became especially critical.
Critical of people.
Critical of leaders.
Critical of decisions.
Critical of what was happening around me.
Looking back, I can see that much of what was coming out of my mouth was connected to what was happening inside of me.
I was dissatisfied.
Frustrated.
Unhappy with parts of my own situation.
Instead of recognizing those things honestly, I projected them outward.
Sometimes a critical spirit says as much about what is happening within us as it does about what is happening around us.
Harshness may reveal something we have not dealt with.
Sometimes our responses become unnecessarily sharp.
A person asks an ordinary question and receives a response carrying far more weight than the moment deserved.
Why?
Maybe we are annoyed with them and have never addressed it.
Maybe frustration has been quietly building.
Maybe we are exhausted and have ignored every warning sign that our rhythms and boundaries have become unhealthy.
Exhaustion is not an excuse for hurting people.
But it may be information.
Our words can help us recognize places within us that need attention, honesty, and transformation.
Exaggeration may reveal insecurity.
Why do we sometimes make the story a little better than it really was?
Why do we embellish?
Why do we need people to be impressed?
Sometimes what sounds like exaggeration on the outside is connected to insecurity on the inside.
We want to be liked.
Seen.
Valued.
Impressive.
So our words begin doing work our identity was never meant to require from them.
Complaining may reveal a lack of gratitude.
Complaining can reveal another heart condition.
Why do they have that?
Why did this happen to me?
Why am I always dealing with this?
Why isn't my life more like theirs?
Sometimes the pattern coming from our mouths reveals how difficult it has become for us to recognize what God is already doing.
Our speech gives us an opportunity for self-examination.
Pay attention to what you are saying.
Transformation begins by noticing.
Many of us speak quickly enough that we do not even hear ourselves.
Someone later tells us:
"Do you realize what you said?"
And we genuinely did not.
Jesus invites us to pay attention.
What phrases keep appearing?
What tone keeps emerging?
What do we say when we are tired?
When we feel overlooked?
When someone disagrees with us?
When we do not get what we want?
What have my words been revealing about my heart lately?
James reminds us how much damage something small can do.
James, the brother of Jesus and a leader in the Jerusalem church, also spends significant time talking about our words.
He points out how small the tongue is compared with the rest of the human body.
Yet something small can produce a disproportionately large result.
A tiny spark seems insignificant.
Drop it into a dry forest and it can become devastating.
Our words do not simply disappear after we say them.
They move outward.
They are remembered.
They shape relationships.
They can alter the atmosphere of a home, workplace, friendship, school, or church.
James exposes a contradiction.
James says:
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings.
James 3:9We know this contradiction.
We worship God on Sunday and speak harshly an hour later.
We pray in the car and then lose our patience with the driver who cuts us off.
We sing about grace and then speak without grace to someone who frustrates us.
James says:
Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. This should not be.
James 3:10Look at the person your words are aimed toward.
James gives us a reason this contradiction matters so deeply.
The people we curse are made in the likeness of God.
Every person.
Not only people who agree with us.
Not only people who are easy to love.
Not only people who follow Jesus.
The coworker who frustrates you.
The relative who exhausts you.
The person whose politics make no sense to you.
The neighbor who annoys you.
The stranger slowing down the self-checkout line.
Every one of them bears God's image.
We cannot praise the God whose image people bear while treating those people as though their dignity does not matter.
The gospel gives our words a new possibility.
Jesus helps us understand the heart.
James warns us about the damage our words can produce.
Then Paul helps us see the opportunity.
In Ephesians 4, Paul reminds believers that they are being made new in Christ.
Their old patterns do not have to define them anymore.
And then he speaks directly about their words:
Only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29Our words can build.
That is the incredible opportunity.
Words are powerful.
Which means their power is not limited to destruction.
We can build.
Strengthen.
Encourage.
Comfort.
Affirm.
Speak truth.
Offer grace.
Remind someone they are not alone.
The power of our words means we have an opportunity to speak life.
Paul says to build people up according to their needs.
That phrase matters.
Not according to our need to speak.
Not according to our need to fix.
Not according to our need to prove a point.
According to their needs.
And to know what someone needs, we have to pay attention.
We have to listen.
We have to notice.
How is my spouse actually doing?
What is happening beneath my child's behavior?
What is my coworker carrying?
Is my friend discouraged?
Could the person frustrating me simply be having a terrible day?
Life-giving words begin by paying attention to the person in front of us.
Our speech grows out of what we have received.
Paul does not simply tell the church to try harder to be nice.
He reminds them who they are.
Get rid of bitterness.
Rage.
Anger.
Slander.
Malice.
Why?
Because those things no longer reflect the life into which Jesus is forming us.
Instead:
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32We pour out what we have first received.
Paul connects our treatment of others to our experience of Jesus.
Have you experienced forgiveness?
Extend forgiveness.
Have you received mercy?
Practice mercy.
Have you been treated with compassion?
Become compassionate.
Have you been loved when you did not deserve it?
Let that love begin shaping how you respond to others.
As our hearts are formed by the love of Jesus, His love increasingly becomes part of what flows out of us.
What if the spark became a fire of love?
James pictures words like a spark capable of setting a forest on fire.
That image usually makes us think about destruction.
But what if we imagined the power differently?
What if what spread through our homes, friendships, workplaces, neighborhoods, and church was encouragement?
Compassion?
Mercy?
Hope?
Grace?
Our world does not suffer from a shortage of angry words.
Cruel words.
Divisive words.
Words designed to humiliate, win, provoke, or tear down.
What would it look like for followers of Jesus to send a different kind of fire into the world - a fire of light, hope, mercy, and love?
We will still get it wrong.
Being formed by Jesus does not mean we suddenly speak perfectly.
We are going to make mistakes.
We will say things we regret.
We will respond too quickly.
We may hurt people.
But the gospel means failure does not have to send us into an endless cycle of shame.
We can confess.
Receive forgiveness.
Take responsibility.
And when necessary, have the difficult conversation and ask another person to forgive us.
Grace does not make our words less important. Grace gives us somewhere to go when we get them wrong.
The words of others do not define you.
Some of us are carrying sentences spoken years ago.
Words from a parent.
A teacher.
A spouse.
A friend.
Someone who mocked us, rejected us, lied about us, or told us who they believed we were.
Those words can become deeply embedded in the way we see ourselves.
But Paul reminds us of another identity:
You are dearly loved children.
You are not ultimately defined by the cruelest thing someone said about you.
You are not defined by the rumor.
The insult.
The rejection.
The label.
God sees you.
God knows you.
God loves you.
And God desires to bring healing to the places other people's words have wounded.
Let your words become an overflow of a heart being reshaped.
Our words matter.
But the invitation from Jesus is deeper than simply becoming more careful speakers.
It is to become people whose hearts are increasingly formed by Him.
As dissatisfaction gives way to gratitude...
As insecurity gives way to identity in Christ...
As bitterness gives way to forgiveness...
As anger gives way to compassion...
As hurry gives way to attentiveness...
The fruit begins to change too.
Jesus reshapes our words by transforming the hearts from which they flow.
Pay attention to the overflow.
Instead of only trying to control what you say this week, allow your words to become an invitation to examine what Jesus may want to reshape within your heart.
- Notice: Pay attention to your repeated words, tone, criticism, complaints, exaggerations, or harsh responses.
- Ask: What might these words be revealing about what I am carrying, loving, fearing, or believing?
- Invite: Ask Jesus to reshape the heart beneath the words, not simply the behavior on the surface.
- Encourage: Choose one person and intentionally use your words to strengthen, affirm, or encourage them this week.
Reflection Questions
- What have my words been revealing about my heart lately?
- Who can I intentionally encourage this week?
A Prayer for Our Words
Jesus, thank You that You care not only about the words coming from my mouth, but about the heart from which they flow. Help me pay attention to what my words are revealing. Show me where criticism may be connected to dissatisfaction, harshness to frustration or exhaustion, exaggeration to insecurity, or complaining to a lack of gratitude. Continue reshaping my heart with Your love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Forgive me for the ways my words have wounded others, and give me courage to make things right where I need to. Heal the places where the words of others have wounded me, and remind me that those words do not define who I am. I am dearly loved by You. Teach me to notice the people around me and use my words to build them up according to what they need. May what flows from my life increasingly reflect the love I have first received from You. Amen.
